Friday, May 21, 2004

The Joys Of Language

Memo to everyone: WORDS HAVE MEANINGS.
I may have mentioned this before, but it bears repeating. We, as borderline intelligent creatures, have developed language, a system of communication that uses symbols called "words" to represent objects, actions, and abstract concepts. It's important to associate these words with these concepts somewhat consistently, or chaos will reign. So to help you, I present the first edition of the You Are Dumb Dot Net Lingualexicographical Tome.
WMD (noun)
Acronym commonly used by the media for Weapons of Mass Destruction.
WEAPONS (noun)
The plural of "weapon", meaning "more than one weapon". USAGE: A single leftover shell from the Iran-Iraq War was used in an improvised bomb in Iraq. This shell, which contained sarin nerve gas. Because there was only one shell, it is a weapon, not WEAPONS.
MASS (adjective)
Of a grand or sweeping scale; affecting large numbers of people. USAGE: The release of sarin nerve gas was hampered by the bombers not actually knowing there was any sarin in the shell, so the result was not "mass", and only mildly affected two people.
Complete, irreparable damage, usually with great loss of life. USAGE: One decades-old shell, used by accident, releasing a small amount of a chemical agent, does not mean we found WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION, you Fox News, New York Post, right wing fuckwits.
MANDATORY (adjective)
Required. An event that is "mandatory" is an event that people are required to attend, usually with some penalty for not attending. When faced with a mandatory event, individuals often respond with "grumbling", "bitching", and "moaning".
OPTIONAL (adjective) 
Not required. An event that is "optional" is an event that individuals can choose to attend or not attend as they see fit. When faced with an optional event, individuals often respond with "skipping", "passing", and "not going".
A huge mess. For example, what happens when you tell people an event is optional to avoid grumbling, bitching, and moaning, and then treat the event as if it were mandatory when people attempt to skip, pass, and not go. SEE ALSO:"Not My Fucking Problem".
IDOL (noun)
An object of worship; a person deserving of respect and admiration.
Screeching mouthfountain of mediocrity, selected over dozens of other screeching mouthfountains of mediocrity by virtue of being even louder, even warblier, and even less capable of subtlety than the rest. If the wrong warbly beast is selected over the rest, the general populace rises in protest, calling for reforms and massive changes to the warblebeast selection system. Many feel that, over time, this passion will spill over into less important areas of life, such as selecting the government.