Your Morning Analogy

Twitter was always a shitty party bus serving watered down drinks and playing covers of hair metal bands way too loud.

Then it caught fire.

Mastodon pulled up first, but it was a fleet of pedicabs pulled by penny-farthing bicycles and each one was playing a different curated Spotify stream of songs you’ve never heard of.

Bluesky pulled up, but it was just one Uber driver in a Smart car and all he had to drink was one of those four ounce bottled waters and it was lukewarm. 

Zuckerberg searched and searched until he found the exact same model of party bus, only five years older, with the same number of seats and a playlist of all the hits. And he sat, just within sight of the burning party bus, and only pulled up when the gas tank exploded and the music started playing at half speed.

And yes, it’s weird that it’s only the medium-stakes social media drama shit inspires me to write much anymore. Bot so little of what’s going on these days slots so nicely into that medium stakes world where I do my best work.