Thursday, March 25, 2004


Memo to Duluth, MN: YOU ARE DUMB.
Well, at least some of y'all are. You see, I am under a bit of obligation. First, we've covered some separation of church and state stuff in the past. There is precedent. And second, I may have offhandedly mentioned that geographical regions have a certain responsibility to openly reject the bullshit that goes on within their borders.
So, as a transplanted Minnesotan for the past decade or so, I'm compelled to mention that a bunch of people in Duluth are being dickheads about the whole Ten Commandments monument thing.
We're not as flashy as Judge Roy Moore here in the Midwest. In fact, it was only after that Boss Hogg wannabe made his big stink about keeping a Ten Commandments monument in his courthouse that a bunch of people around here noticed they had 10C items in their own government buildings.
Specifically, Duluth, whose 2,500 pound granite commandments were noticed by the ACLU. After being told they'd lose, the city voted 5-4 not to fight. And that's when the godly became the grumpy.
"We already know where they're headed, anyway. To Hell." The county offered to take up the fight the city didn't want to bother with. Petitions were circulated. Society was declared depraved and doomed.
All because of a big lump of rock that was, essentially, a MOVIE PROMOTIONAL TOOL. These things are all over the state, courtesy of one of those fraternal wankery organizations that were rife in the fifties who teamed with Hollywood to promote God and, simultaneously, that hot new Ten Commandments movie.
Once again, it boils down to insecurity. Why is it that the Christians (and I mean the whole lot of 'em. Think the broad sense of Judeo-Christian, but with the Judeo- left off because the Jewish community never seems to pull this shit) have to gloat?
Seriously. You've got giant cathedrals and ancient stone churches. Most of the people in power check off your box on the census. You're considered fairly normal, even with the whole ritual cannibalism thing and the speaking in tongues thing. Your last movie made over $300 million dollars. You'd think that would be plenty to assuage your self-esteem issues and persecution complex.
But no. You gotta stick your halos EVERYWHERE so that we can all see them. You have the utter nerve to complain about homosexuals flaunting their "lifestyle choice" and then whine like bitches every time someone tries to detach your pervasive iconography from the halls of power. The draggiest drag queen in the flamingest pride parade in the nation can't begin to compete with Christianity for shoving things in people's faces.
Just once. Just once, I'd love to hear these people be gracious. Admit that they've got enough. Admit that they're not the only people that matter. Admit that what a bunch of fat guys in funny hats did fifty years ago to help line Parammount's pockets is not actually sacred and incontrovertible.
For those concerned about my blood-oxygen level, rest assured I will not be holding my breath.