Thursday, January 1, 2004

Paul Douglas

Memo to Minneapolis meteorologist Paul Douglas: YOU ARE DUMB.

Mr. Douglas cut a radio promo for local 80's station WXPT, "The Mix". A station, I might add, that will probably be making its appearance on this page before 2004 is out.

This promo featured Mr. Douglas saying "I have a prediction that's guaranteed to be 100% correct. Lisa Wright rocks!"

Editor's note: Lisa Wright is one of the morning DJ's on Mix 104, which the dismal state of Minneapolis radio and the vagaries of reliable clock radio reception force me to wake up to.

Let's assume, for the moment, that Lisa Wright does rock. It's a big stretch, but we are brave souls. We can manage. So even if "Lisa Wright rocks" is 100%, pure, scientifically verified fact, determined to three decimal places with a precisely defined meaning for the verb "to rock" stored on a platinum-iridium tablet at the International Bureau of Weights and Measures, Paul Douglas would STILL BE DUMB.

Because, and a meteorologist would be wise to remember this, THAT'S NOT A PREDICTION. It's either a bald-faced lie, an unfortunate opinion, or a verified fact, but since it's discussing the here and now state of Ms. Wright's rockingness, it ain't a prediction.

Ergo, we have no choice but to issue the following judgment upon Mr. Douglas: